I know, I haven't written in about two months.  I figured it's time for an update.  Well, I'm 119 lbs. now.  Still TERRIBLY FAT.  I'm 5'4", so you'll know what I mean.  Anyway, I have a *long* history with Anorexia (though I suppose I would be technically ED-NOS right now since I'm normal weight), and have had tons of hospitalizations, so my therapists/parental units want me to go into a treatment center before I get to any kind of Anorexic weight again.  I guess you could say this is an intervention. I, however, don't see the need.  I don't want to wreck the family though... so I guess I will have to comply when it comes down to it.  

I go to my dietitian tomorrow to weigh-in, and I see my therapist on Friday.  I'll let you know how that all goes.  Scale has been taken away from me, so my weight that I posted is from Monday... bummer!

Licorice

I know it's not amazing, but I had to go back to my dietitian on Thursday (the 23rd) because she was a bit concerned, and I lost 6 lbs. from a week and a half before that (i saw her on the 13th of this month too).  It's not the greatest loss I've ever had, but it's decent.  She thought it was too fast.  But that brings me to where I am now, 130 lbs. on my scale.  I'm 5'4" so that's still terribly fat.  I can see it everywhere. Flab, flab, flab.  I worked out for 80 minutes so far today, and that was before 6:30 this morning.  Hoping to go in the pool or something.  But!  I pre-ordered a new game for my Nintendo Wii that looks promising.  It's Wii Sports Resort.  It looks like it has a lot of nice games on it.  I'm excited!  According to Amazon, it should come somewhere around the 29th.  Oh, I have to see my dietitian again this coming Thursday... I'm not sure why.  It's not like I'm skinny or even underweight.

Licorice

Hello!

It so sucks, my weight has remained the same pretty much since the last time I posted. A whole week:( About 136 lbs.  I just looked over my journal postings on here, and I think I have a bit in the last month.  I'm not sure on how much because I'm not sure if the weight I posted on here was the weight my dietitian quoted (which is WITH clothes on) or my scale's weight, which is WITHOUT clothes on.  It turns out there's about a 2-3 lb. difference! She doesn't account for clothes, and it makes me mad!

To make things worse, I've sprained my ankle as of Tuesday and it is in a brace:( My doctor okayed exercise, but people keep telling me I should limit it (I've been working out 1.5-2 hrs per day).  30 mins per day?  I'll gain on that!  That sucks!

Anyway, I will let you all know how the dietitian goes.  Thank you for reading and listening to me whine!  Gotta go!

Hi!

It's been a month and a day since I last posted according the journal that I just looked at.  In the last month, I have lost 10.5 lbs.  I am now 136.5 lbs. Not fantastic, but better.  My dietitian's goal is 135 lbs. Not my goal.  I don't know where my goal is... somewhere where I feel comfortable.  Haha... that's pretty funny! When I was 60 lbs. I was still telling people I "still needed to lose 20 more pounds"! Umm... right. anyway... I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in my own skin.  No matter how low I go.  So I'm aiming for 100-110 lbs.  Who knows what will happen at that point.

Alright, now I will go looking around this site and get caught up.  I haven't been here in ages...

Licorice

I successfully weighed-in at 147.0 lbs.   I'm 7 lbs. down from the last time I saw her, about a month ago.  Now, the scary thing is, she wants me to maintain at around 135 lbs. because of my Eating Disorder history.  I'm WAY not comfortable with 135 lbs.  I was thinking of getting down to 115-120 and maintaining there for a while.. then I'll see from there.  I feel absolutely disgusting in my own skin right now, and I don't think losing 12 lbs. will change that.  I feel the same way I did when I was at my high weight.  Heck, I felt the same way when I was 60 lbs.  so I don't think I'm EVER going to feel good about myself.  Does this ever get any better?

Licorice

Hi!

So last Tuesday it was my birthday (and my twin's!), we had a huge party on Memorial Day with cake and presents and stuff.  The nieces and nephew were so cute, even though Julia wanted us to push her on the swing the ENTIRE TIME! :)    Got some cute pictures.  And got to my birthday goal weight of 149.0 so I was happy!  Now I'm stuck at 148.5 lbs though so... well, I ran out of diet pills until today, so that may be it?  I started them back up today and in my experience, no diet pills, no weight loss.  Might just be in my head, but that's just the way I see things.  Who knows, I'll tell you tomorrow if the scale is up or down.

Haven't been able to sleep lately at all.  Been all itchy all over. Is it allergies?  Dehydration?  Anemia?  I've had all kinds of things suggested to me.  I'll try my allergy medicine tonight (it's not prescription, just over the counter).  See if that works.  I WANNA SLEEP!  I did exercise for an hour and a half today!

Licorice

It's 4 pm and I've had (I added it up on a website) 637 cals so far for the day.  I just weighed in a couple of minutes ago (not a good idea.  Hair wet, already ate, etc.) and was still 150.5 lbs.  Can't wait to be.. hmm. somewhere around 100 lbs. again... or less.  It'll happen, just watch.  I may be fat now, but I'll do it again, and I won't be going into treatment again.  No thank you.  I'll be moving out and living on my own and doing just fine, thank you!

Just had an interview with an arts/crafts store on Friday.  Wish me luck!  I think it went well.  The woman said she wouldn't be calling anyone about hiring until the middle of this week.  *crosses fingers*  I need some money!

Licorice

Not generally pleased, I've only lost 20 lbs in 3 months.  I'm 5'4" and I've gone from 171 lbs to 150.5 lbs so I guess that's a little over.  Some people would say that is good.  I mean, for the past week or so, it's been a half a pound every other day.  for about 2 weeks before that it had kinda stalled at 155 or something like that.  Not cool.  I just posted to a couple of places about my "Birthday Goal Weight".  Nasty, high one, unfortunately.  I can't believe I'm still so high 3 years after "treatment".  I can't believe I let them put 100 friggin pounds on me.  Anyway, my "Birthday Goal Weight" is 149 lbs.  See?  It's nasty.  I've been working out about an hour a day, and keeping my cals at 900 per day.  High, but that is what they seem to be.  I have a little problem in prior planning, you see.  I think I have to start writing things out before I have them...  

But here's to reaching my Birthday Goal Weight on May 26th!!!!

Licorice

Why do I eat so much when there are starving people in the world?  I would rather give my food to them.  I SHOULD give my food to them.  I should starve, not them.  And so I will starve. We don't need anymore deaths out there.

Licorice

Lost .5 lbs from yesterday, went on a walk with my therapist, all in all doing good today.
Starting to "tweet what I eat" on Twitter so that I won't eat anything. 
My birthday's coming up next month.  It's the 26th.  I want to be 140 lbs by then.

Licorice

Today's my official weigh-in, and I think I have lost only 1 lb this week.  SUCKS. It kinda went up and down on me.  Now I'm doing much better because I'm writing down everything that I eat on Twitter (my address is http://twitter.com/Licorice1977 ) I hope that helps me to not eat.
I've done some exercise today, but the nieces just left, so I plan on doing more as soon as I get off this computer!  See ya later and I hope to hear from you!

Licorice

I weighed myself this morning, and it was not what I wanted, I exercised a lot today.

I played with the nieces/nephew all day
did 100+ crunches
am going to do a bit on the stepper machine
and more

took some laxatives, so hopefully everything's back to normal or lower (lower would be preferable)...

Licorice

I feel fat today, so I'm not weighing myself until tomorrow.  I look gross.  Clothes feel funny.
After I get home from day program, I'm going to exercise as much as possible. 
Maybe I'll update as to how much exercise I'm doing/did. 
Have to continue looking for a job.  It's hard in this economy.  No one's really hiring.  But the good news is that I can apply for most jobs online now, so I can do it in between exercising.  Need to make me some MONEY!!!!

Licorice

Was pissed about being on a friggin plateau for god knows how long, so I decided to STEP OFF THE SCALE for a couple of days!  It worked!  During those two days I went from 158.0 to 156.0 lbs as of this morning, and that was after I had a little something for breakfast.  I know, 2 lbs isn't that much, but after being on the plateau that i've been on for this long, I'll take any thing really.  I'm on my way again!!!!!!!!!

Licorice

I know, I shoudn't be taking diet pills and whatnot.  But really, would they cause me to have chest pains?  Every day?  It's not like I'm at a low weight (not even near it). They're so bad I have difficulty sleeping at night,  That's when it really scares me, at night, when I'm all alone.  Should I be worried?  I mean, I've been having them for a relatively long time.

I just took laxatives again.  desperate me.  I'll take any kind of weight loss, water weight loss, whatever.  My therapist said I should make it a goal to get to 150 lbs.  I thought, "Okay!  By next week?:)"  so now I've got a week to lose 8 lbs.  Not too bad if I work at it.  Must try!

Licorice

Hi!


I weighed myself this morning( stupid:( after having something, of course...) and was down half a pound.  Still terribly FAT.  I just found out that I have a wedding to go to in August, so it gives me even more of a goal to get to.  How much do you think I can lose by then?  I know, it all depends, but, ballpark figure...

Licorice

Took laxatives last night.  I know, not the best idea, but I'm kinda desperate.  To lose water weight, fat weight, any kind of weight.  Of course, I also plan to exercise as much as possible on top of that.  I'm up .5 lbs from yesterday, but my scale isn't accurate.  I'll have to go by my Wii fit scale instead.  It's the only other one I have.  I'll weigh myself later on because I know I weigh less later on in the day, especially if I'm fasting.  Hope to be down a lb or so.  Yay!  Will update!

Licorice

I can't imagine having anything to eat today.  My throat's so scratchy.  Another one of those upper respiratory infections.  Nothing new, but this hurts like HELL.  Especially when I try to swallow anything.  Water included. 

Went to the dr. yesterday and was down 2.5 lbs from the day before.  I think I need a more accurate scale.  I know no one in my house would be happy with that, knowing my history.  So today I had an orange for breakfast, and an orange for lunch.  Hopefully I can get out of dinner tonight, or at least make my own healthy stuff.

That's about it.

Licorice

So I think I'm going to take a sick day from my program.  I have this sore throat that has lasted about 2 weeks and it's bad.  I feel like I have a lump in my throat, nasal congestion... I think I'm going to call the doctor.  I hate going to the doctor.  The paranoia in me has me thinking that this is something more than allergies or a cold.  I'm jumping to conclusions and whatnot.  Hope it's just something that can be cured by antibiotics.

Licorice

Going to my therapist today.. I am going to tell her about what my mom said recently. She said "Are you sure those diet pills are really THAT harmful?  They seem to make you so much happier" or something to that effect.  Started taking them again that instant pretty much.  With my 10 (down from 12) prescription medications. 

I really wish i could get off this post-hospital weight.  Ever since I left the hospital, I've been stuck.  And it sucks.

Licorice